Hard to Focus Again

Coming back from break and having to get back on track with my school work is really hard. It's hard for me to focus because during break I did nothing. I didnt't do any homework because i figured it was my time to rest and spend time with my family and friends. Now that I'm back at school it's hard to focus. It's hard to sit down at my desk and actually do some homework. Believe I've tried and something just aint right. I can't stand focus long enough to if read what it is I should be working on. Moments I found myself tired and I just wanted to sleep. I've missed to classes so far this week and that scares me. I've never missed a day in school in my life. I went to school no matter what the situation was even when I was sick. I think I just needed to realize what i was doing and try my best to pull myself back together. Pull myself back together so that I will be able to focus on what's important, which to get my work done on time. Sometimes we have to go down the wrong path to really appreicate the time when everything is going well. Everybody has their own problems and each and every one of us have our own ways of dealing with it. I deal with my problems by talking it out or writing it down. Sometimes writing it down then throwing it away works the best for me.

Thanksgiving break

Thanksgiving break was a break I really needed. I got the chance to clear my head and think about all the things that's been happening at school, well maybe this year period. A lot has been happening this year, "good" and bad. I can say that I really appreicate everything the people here at Wartburg College has been doing for me. It's not that I don't like this school because I do. It's more about feeling comfortable and wanted here. I want to be able to go to my classes and not have everyone turn their heads when i enter the room, like they've seen a ghost or something. Stop starring at me! It's rude and disrespectful. I worth be ignored then to be glared at like I'm a disgusting creature who's not welcome breathing the same air they're breathing. One day a friend of mine and I was walking to Joe's and this white guy and his friend were walking pass us having a discussion. One of the guys look up at me and my friend and turned back to his friend and said "dude all the girls here are beautiful but they're all black". We both stop, lookked at one another because we didn't know what to do or how to response to a comment like that. Was it a commitment or disrespectful? You tell me cause I still don't know.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. The food is great. The small disagreements are entertaining. I miss my families cooking. I can't wait to get home and eat some real home cooked meals. This Thanksgiving I am thankful for being able to graduate from high school and continue my education at Wartburg College. I am thankful having a person like Kelly beck in my live. She has been a really big help for me here at Wartburg College. She has a really good heart and I am thankful to have her by my side. I am thankful for my new baby cousin Prynce. He is such a cutie. He's a really happy baby and always keeps a smile on my face when I'm around him. This will be is first Thanksgiving. This Thanksgiving I am thankful for having such a good group of friends here at Wartburg College. Bria, Nancy, and  Shareefah have being really supportive  and I don't think I would've been able to survive living in Waverly without their love, support, and guideness. Our group discussions have be a big help. It allowed me to express my feelings as well as get some of my their perspective on what it's like being black and living on the Wartburg campus or being in Waverly. I can say that we all have different personalities , opinions and thoughts, but when it comes to this topic in our discussions when tend to come to the same conclusion. Many of us are not planning on coming back to Wartburg next year and some of us are living after Christmas break. I know that we shouldn't run from our problem, but living here is very stressful and it really doesn't have to be that way. All I want to do is get an education just like everybody else here, but I can't focus on that if I have a lot of negative distractions going on around me. I'm go back home to where my comfort zone is stronger!

No One Can Fix Me Because I Speak The Truth

No one can fix me. It's just something I'm have to figure out on my own. No one can change my opinions or my way of thinking. It's just something I'm have to work on myself. Stop trying to changing me. People are always trying to change my way of thinking. It's my opinion, you have yours so allow mine to be heard. Not many voices are heard because too many of us hide in the shadows. I'm tired of hiding in the shadows. I'm tired of being not heard. I'm tired of listening to everyone else talk. It's time for my voice to be heard. Why shouldn't I be heard? You know why they won't allow me to be heard, well becasue they're afraid that I might speak the truth because I am the truth.The truth about the truth. Not many people want to hear the truth and some become offended by the truth, and those who do will do any and everything they could to stop it from being heard. Don't stop the truth, better yet listen to the truth. People let's stop talking about the truth and be about the truth. Some may know what I meant by being about the truth and the lost one's will start to feel confused and misinformed about the meaning of the truth.I have a voice that should be heard. Now listen!

Thanksgiving

I'm excited about goin home for Thanksgiving break. I didn't think it was going to happen but things are starting to look good for me. I miss my mom and my friends. I just wanted spend a couple a days with them then come back and get my year here at Wartburg college as a freshman over with. I can definitely say that I'm looking foward to the rest of my freshman year. I might be going to a different school next year but I have to see how my year here at Wartburg turns out to be like. So far it's not going too good. I don't like it here and I just want to go home. It's different here and I'm just not ready to change yet. I like my big city and the big population, but what i wish I could change is the crime. There is so much crime going on in chicago it was nice to get a way from it all for a while. Waverly is quiet. All I hear here is nature. All I hear in chicago are sirens. It's scary and sometimes I find myself praying that its not my brother or one of my cousins or even one of my uncles. It's not right that we had to grow up in that kind of environment and raise our kids in that kind of environment. I made it out, but there are maany who will never make it out, and that's the sad part. Nobody cares about what's going on in the hood, but the do everything they could to make me feel bad or responsible for everything that's going on in the hood. When I said me I referring to everyone who lives or who has lived in the hood.

Why do we focus on the wrong things?

Today, in one of my classes, they discuss a topic they felt was necessary. I'm not going to mention the topic your the class because that's not important. I on the otherhand believe that their are better and more important things going on in the world that should've been adressed in class today. That's what's wrong with people today, they focus and pay attention to the wrong things. We should focus more on what's happening today. I hate to say it, but the past is the past, let's live for the future people. Let's discuss more serious topics like why are their so many kids being killed by drive bys? Why are their so many kids being kidnapped and rape? Why are their so many children being abused? Forget about drug dealers for amount and focus on trying to protect our children. Our children are more important then drug users and drug dealers. All are serious issues, but the differences between drug dealers and kidnappers are that the dealers victims have a chose to choose whether they want to be a victim or not. The kidnappers, rappers, abusers and killers victims don't necessarliy have a choice. They are chosen. Protect the people that what to be protected and  focus less on the people who are choosing to be victims by choice.

Following Off

I'm following off. The meaning mof the word following off in my perspective is that I not truly being dedicated to my school work. I did not do any homework all last week and today, I'm spending all my time turning to catch up on the work that I didn't do. Lately, I just haven't been in the mood for doing anything that deals with school. I'm sick in tired of writing papers and reading my textbooks. I just needed a break from everything and that's what I've gave myself. The work here is overwheiming and kind of difficult to manage my time to do it all on time. I thought I was doing a good job, so far, but that seems to not be good enough. How much can a first year college student take before he/she actually decided to give it up. Some friends of mine agree with me. One of them is majoring in biology which takes up a lot of her times and she barely has time to do the work assigned in her other classes. We've decided to get a study/homework section going on within our small group of eight. During our group sections we try to motivate one another and keep the word faith in mind when one feels like giving up. It's working so far, but their are some ups and downs going on within our gropu with the diffferent personlities and opinions each of us have of our own. This happens to be a good and bad thing for our group. Good because it allows one to get different perspectives on a situation. Bad because nobody likes to be or even feel like their wrong which sometimes develop a big commotion. We're also learning to not take certain things that one might mention to the head, which means personal.

Sleep vs Society

I think I'm either sleeping too much or not getting enough sleep. I've been feeling tired lately in my body feels weak and swore. I don't feel like doing my homework, writing my papers or even going out with my friends. I feel like laying down and watching tv. I don't know how to get myself out of this phase because I know this is going to hurt me in the future. I need strength, I need guideness, I need some support from my familiy and friends. It's hard being away from home and trying to deal with everything that's going on at school. Iowa isn't the same. I miss chicago and I miss my family and friends. I'm tired of school, I'm tired of working. Why should I go through all this when the society is going to try and do evrything they can to make sure I don't have a fair share in the job force? Society will never give me the opportunity to make something of myself. I will have to fight for what's right for the rest of my life and I'm tried of fighting, but I have determined to not give up and try my best to focus on what it is I want to achieve in life. Whether society likes it or not I will be woke through the process of my success. Wake up Jalisa, the future is yours!